|Professional Tweaks, Tips & Reviews By "AJ" Picarello
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After a recent DH session, a friend of mine said my bike would be the choice pick for the GODS. This statement got me thinking, what bike would GOD choose to ride for DH? I pondered this interesting question and decided it would make a great tech tip.
GOD knows there are plenty of brands to choose from. The price of the bike really wouldn’t matter. I doubt GOD would be the racer type. Competition against man would be ridiculous (as if this article isn’t). We all know GOD can smoke any of us. GOD can’t possible care about weight. I’m sure GOD would prefer a reliable bike even though he could predict product failures before they happened.
Frame color is very important. White is a must. That eliminates quite a few brands assuming that GOD could only ride bone stock, no customs. I doubt GOD would flaunt his power and have a fancy paint job that we could never have. Gold anodized accent colors are also a must. Trying to follow these guidelines I will try and duplicate the bike for the lord. Keep in mind, GOD has style and his bike should follow suite. Is my bike the bike for the almighty?
Suspension is probably the best place to start. GOD will go huge and rip at blinding speed. High speed internals are a must! GOD can choose from an array of forks and only a few rear shocks. Again, GOD would not ride “Pro only equipment”. Titanium springs? I don’t think so. Fork choice could vary from a Boxxer to a Super Monster. Rear shock choice varies from a 5th Element to a Rissi. GOD is not stupid. He’s not accepting any royalties for riding a particular brand. The bike will be void of stickers or any logos. Real riders will know what GOD is riding on. You will never see GOD on a billboard, in a magazine or television advertisement.
What frame would GOD ride? This is a huge decision. Why not ride the biggest rear shock possible? The large shock body and oversized piggyback should handle the pounding GOD will unleash. External adjustability would be a nice touch. After all, trail conditions will vary, GOD will spread his word globally. Shock adjustments will be a must. Who makes the biggest shock with the most adjustments? The MTN-3.5 Avalanche that’s who. What frame can handle this shock? Only a few and some are discontinued. With an eye to eye length of almost 12” the frame would have to be built around the shock. GOD will have to choose from a FOES Slammer Mono, the original Cliff Cat or one of three Brooklyn Machine Works frames, the Super Trucker, Master Plan, or the Big Link.
The FOES is a contender. It comes in the color white and can fit the big shock. The frame is a work of art. GOD knows style is key. The look of the hydro form frame is impressive. The frame design incorporates strength with a dramatic weight savings. GOD will love the low bottom bracket and the stiff rear swing arm. Railing turns at mach speed will be no problem. Only, there’s a problem. The frame is built around a 3” stroke shock and only gets 8” of rear wheel travel. Why should GOD compromise? Function should outweigh looks. Speaking of function, FOES uses a single pivot. GOD can tell you that a single pivot can not outperform a bike with linkage. GOD should have the best of both worlds (pun intended) and ride a bike with linkage and this choice shock. The FOES may look great and it’s a proven race design, but it’s not for GOD. GOD will need more travel. Racing is for mere mortals. GOD has more to prove.
Left now are the Cliff Cat and the Brooklyn’s. Cliff Cat has discontinued the original frame and is now designing lighter more race friendly bikes. His new bikes are amazing although they use the smaller Avalanche rear shocks. Sorry Bill.
I guess it’s down to Brooklyn. You can order one in any color and they are built around the 3.5” stroke Avalanche. Amazing, seems like GOD would ride the same frame as mine. Imagine that, GOD kicking it on a bike never reviewed in magazines. A frame and suspension designed by small builders, never even one magazine advertisement. Quality and craftsmanship are the only concerns. Brooklyn takes pride in every frame they build. I’m sure they would make the Lords frame unique in some way. Maybe they would stamp “Braze the Lord” as a serial number. A nice touch would be to hand paint the upper head tube gusset gold leaf simulating a halo. My serial number might read “Hell Bound” after this article.
The only Brooklyn frame to choose from is the Big Link. As of now only 10 exist. The Super Trucker and Master Plan have no linkage and are both prototypes. I’m not sure if BMW still produce the Big Link. They have always been a special order. If BMW decides to discontinue this bike then GOD has a problem. I think Avalanche may even discontinue the shock. GOD help us all. We will have to wait and see.
Maybe my friend was wrong. GOD may have to find another ride. The HOOD I’m currently testing could be in the running. The Orange 222 comes in white pearl. A full polished V10 would be stunning. I hear Sinister is designing a fully. The Iron Horse is “bike of the year”. Evil Dave always has something up his sleeve, although I doubt GOD would ride Evil. Maybe GOD would be cool with E13.
What a great time to be alive. DH rigs are a work of art. Current designs are innovative and exiting with new creations just around the corner. Be sure to check back with DOWN CYCLES for future product reviews. After all, I’m my best customer.
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2001 Brooklyn Machine Works Hit Man
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